When Sweetie isn't so sweet

I'm pretty sure my middle child is misnamed.  Well, misnick-named, anyway.  Pumpkin, being the baby, is precious and sweet all the time.  Baby Girl is thoughtful and kind (usually) and likes to be helpful.  Sweetie.....well, not so much.  Because although she is sometimes sweet as a little cupcake, we often say she is a Cupcake Baked by the Devil. (phrase borrowed from this AWESOME blog:  Rants from Mommyland)  However, she is definitely entertaining.

Exhibit A:

It's night time.  All three kids have been fed, bathed, groomed, and jammied.  Madide the dog is down in her kennel (because she will EAT the HOUSE if she is not directly supervised, and at bathtime, we just don't have enough eyes!), and the cat is probably torturing her.  We are converging on the master bedroom, ready to relax and read our customary bedtime story.  Sweetie is the last to join us, wandering in, dragging her pink snuggle blanky and stuffed dogs "Bissex" (Biscuit) and "Spah-ky" (Sparky).  As she walks around the bed, she.....passes gas.  I say to her, "Sweetie!  What do you say?"  She stops, looks me dead in the eye, and with a totally straight face says, "That wasn't me.  That was Maddie."  Then proceeds to climb up onto bed like nothing happened. The XO and I CRIED.

Exhibit B:

Since this is my second child, I have already learned to modify my language to avoid embarassing public situations!  However, I didn't realize how hilarious some of the non-vulgar-but-possibly-violent-sounding phrases I use could be when uttered by a toddler.

Sometimes when the dog is outside, she catches sight of a squirrel, a cat, the neighbors, a shadow... and barks like crazy!  Since our bedroom (where Pumpkin naps) is at the back of the house, I normally go scold the dog when this happens, and bring her in.  One warm afternoon, Sweetie heard Maddie barking through the open window.  She promptly ran to the kitchen, climbed on a chair and shouted out the window, "Shut it, Maddie!  I beat you with a stick!"

(DISCLAIMER:  I do NOT beat the dog--either with a stick or without it!)

Exhibit C:

I had to go meet the XO's commander last week because I volunteered to be the treasurer for our unit's FRG (family readiness group), and we needed to get the accounts and cards and checks all changed over to my name.  I had the two younger kids with me, but the XO kept an eye on them.  Everything went well, we went home, and I thought we'd had an uneventful day.  When the XO got home, he told me the new Knock, knock joke Sweetie had told him and the platoon sgt.

Sweetie: "Knock, knock."
XO: "Who's there?"
Sweetie:  "Coffee pot."
XO: "Coffee pot who?"
Sweetie:  "I'll punch you in the FACE!"

I guess it did make them laugh.


Sometimes, I just like to talk to that kid to see what she'll come up with next!