An Officer and a Gentleman

Yes, that’s right.  As he’s fond of reminding me (with his tongue in his cheek), I am, by definition, married to an officer and a gentleman.  Now, anyone who knew my husband in his……younger days…….is likely giggling right now, or else rolling their eyes!  Not that he wasn’t a good kid.  He was just a high school boy, and I’m sure that’s how a lot of people remember him.  However, eleven years in the Army, eight and a half years of marriage, and three daughters have given him some perspective on life and forced him to grow up.  Well, that and actually getting older! J

And yet, despite that, there are times when we look at each other and wonder (jokingly!) why they think he’s mature enough to be entrusted with governmental and military secrets, equipment, and personnel, but he really is a great husband, a wonderful, dedicated father, a patient sufferer in this ocean of estrogen that he calls home, and a serious, meticulous officer.  Most of the time, we act like serious grown ups, maturely raising three children (At least, I hope that’s what it looks like from the outside!).  However, we had a silly moment last week.

I’m sure you are familiar with the digital or tiger striped or multi-cam patterns in drab greens and grays and browns that military personnel  wear.  They also wear light tan t-shirts under the tops.  And if you don’t have a tan t-shirt to put on after morning PT (physical training), you are in trouble!  The XO has taken to packing some extras to leave at his office so this never happens to him, but a buddy failed to do that one day.  So, knowing the XO had some, he asked to borrow one for the day.  He did, wore it home, washed it, brought it back in a Wal-Mart bag, and laid it on the XO’s desk a few mornings later.  Great, but nothing to write home about.  Here’s where it becomes story-worthy.

The XO came home that night and declared, “I almost died today!” Now, being a soldier who is also an MP, who is also Airborne, this statement could apply to several situations.  But, he hadn’t been on the road, patrolling that day, nor had he had a jump scheduled. And, he was in garrison, for goodness’ sake!  SO, I bit.  “What happened today, honey?”  The reply, “You almost murdered me!”

Now, I am not a violent person, even when I’m really mad.  I yell in frustration till I cry.  So unless he was worried about drowning, I couldn’t see his point.  Sensing – hoping for—a story, I waited.  This is what he told me:

When the XO got into his office that morning, he noticed the bag on his desk.  In a hurry to finish a task, he glanced inside long enough to notice that it was the t-shirt he’d loaned out the other day.  He pushed it aside and forgot about it till lunch, when he was straightening his desk after the morning chaos. He picked up the bag, intending to put the shirt in his bad with his dirty PTs.  As he was removing it, he noticed something else in the bag.  A pair of ladies’ underwear, clinging to the shirt with the kind of crazy static that ONLY a wicking tan t-shirt can generate (it’s brutal, let me tell you!)  At which point, my dear husband promptly shoved the shirt back into the bag and took it straight to his buddy.  He made his befuddled buddy open the bag and inspect the contents, trying to keep a straight face.  When comprehension dawned on the other’s face, they both broke out into laughter.  After removing his wife’s unmentionables—which have stayed unmentionable, if not unseen!—the friend wordlessly handed the bag back to the XO and shoved the contraband into his pocket, shaking his head.

Can you imagine the wrath of a nice, docile housewife, who opens up her husband’s bag to lovingly wash her husband’s work clothes, only to find ANOTHER WOMAN’S UNDIES stuck to her husband’s clothing????  I might have turned violent.

We had a good laugh about it!  And, because I was curious, I asked if they were cute undies.  He admitted they weren’t too bad.  At which point I verbally thanked heaven that the tables hadn’t been turned and it wasn’t MY undies stuck to someone else’s shirt!  Because all that’s going on here is boring old cotton undies that are rather stretched out and well-washed.  The XO didn’t even comment on that point.  What a gentleman.